Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I always want to do that scene from City Slickers where Billy Crystal's mom calls him at the exact time he was born, but I don't really know how it goes, so instead I'll put up his birth story, which is one of my 2 favorite (shh, don't tell the girls, but their births SUCKED except for the end and Emily's even sucked then since she was whisked away to get air - oh and Hannah's sucked after too since I was unconscious and didn't see her for 2 hours and someone else held her first, besides even David, for which he has endured years of torment). Anyway...

It was a dark and stormy night.

Not true.

It was in the middle of a blizzard.

(thought I might get you with that one since it IS November - HA, it's Texas, people.)

It was a day pretty much exactly like today, sunny and lovely, with a little bit of a brisk breeze...
**********swirly time-traveling music**********

I'm actually going to start with the day before. I had an appointment scheduled for 10 am, just a regular appointment and to maybe schedule an induction for Thursday or Friday, but that appointment got rescheduled because the NP had sick kids.

I got a call at 8:30 Thursday morning from the receptionist saying that the doctor was wondering where I was since I was scheduled for induction - oops, someone forgot to tell ME. She said if I wanted I could just come up and do it or I could go to the rescheduled appointment, get checked, and then decide. We decided to go to the appointment.

We got to the appointment and after chit-chatting with the NP about her son and how he's doing and school and stuff, she checks me and I'm 5-6 cm dilated! She says that this would be the point where they would like to send me over to L&D. We're pretty much in shock because Thursday was "booked" for David and I was not having any kind of pains. We ask if we can still just wait until morning and she says, "well, it could be any minute, so we'd really like you to go over there."

We decide that I'll just go over and sit and wait and David will go and do his stuff and if I last until after he's done, which we figured I would since NOTHING was happening, then we'll look at popping the bag then. So, we head home to get the bag and make the calls, etc.

At some point, David decides that it would be a bad idea to try and go do the school presentation and make it back in time, so he calls them and they are TOTALLY fine with moving it; in fact, the principal tells him that if anyone asks, SHE cancelled it. This was at the little bitty school that Hannah went to for Kindergarten, so they all know me too.

We eventually get to the hospital, where I already have a room since they were expecting me EARLY in the morning. It's eerily quiet - only one other mom in labor, no babies and no postpartum moms - the whole floor is empty. Which is crazy, considering that when I toured L&D, it was hopping and only the "closet" and the "dungeon" were available. I met my nurse, Darla, who was an angel and told me that if I don't want to do this, then I don't have to because she had heard that I didn't really want to be induced, but we update her on the sitch and I get in the gown and she checks my BP (fine) and contracting (none) and baby (fine and +1) and dilation and says I'm 5-6, but stretchy to 7, maybe 8. The doctor is at lunch, so we decide that we'll do some walking.

I get dressed again and we walk for an hour, running into about a dozen people we know, so I'm not certain how much actual walking we did - only 1 lap in the hour. We head back up to see if the doc is back and get a BP check - she's not and it's fine, so we set out again. About 15 minutes into the walk, we find a door that has a balcony off of it, so we decide to sneak outside for some sun - as I said, it's a beautiful day, but we were told to stay inside the hospital just in case. We get outside the door and it's actually the back entrance for the doctors and coming up the steps is mine. Oops, caught!! We walk back in with her and chat some more about HER kid. I go to get undressed and get hooked back up. She comes in and we decide to go ahead and pop the bag and hold on the pit. She checks me and I'm 7 (woohoo!!) and pops the bag (1:45 pm), all the time chatting with David about the school that he teaches at and her daughter who goes there and on and on and on. At some point, I start actually having contractions and give him a glare. Anyway, she goes away and we hang out watching TV and having ordinary contractions. At some point, Darla comes in and says that if I want to avoid pit, I should try some tricks, so we do and get some good contractions. At some point, I got out of bed and when I got back into bed, the change in position apparently helped things start going on their own, about every 2 minutes or so and hurt enough to breathe through. After about 15 minutes or so, they start to get where I am not just breathing through them, but obsenitying through them (which makes David laugh), so I call Darla and ask for a smidgen of Stadol, which she brings right back (ANGEL!!). She told me to tell her when I started feeling drunk and David said, well, that'll be tough, she's never been drunk. After about a minute, I felt drunk. It was perfect. She said, let me know when you want to push and I said okay, I will. It was 3:45 and I jokingly told David I would be pushing at 4:30. At about 4:20, the contractions started to get their edge back and David said "are you ready to push?" and I said no. On the NEXT contraction, I was ready to push, so everyone came running. The doctor had gone over to her office just after I got the Stadol, so she came running back from there. I had a REALLY bad contraction and David started rubbing my head, which really annoyed me and so I yelled "HEAD!!" which they interpreted as the baby's head coming out and he kept rubbing and so I yelled "NO HEAD!!" which really confused them, so I finally had to say, "Get your hand off my head!!" Then the nurse tried to put my legs up in the stirrups on that same contraction, so I yelled at her too. The doctor made it in and took her coat off and put her keys on the rocker. Got in position, got gloves etc, and I pushed on the next contraction (about 4:30), 3 sets. She said, the next one is it. I had about a 3-4 minute break and then pushed 3 times and he was out (4:39). The doctor started laughing and yelling - "he's peeing on me!!"

I was in TOTAL SHOCK that he was out that quickly; literally, I couldn't believe it. I kept saying, he's here? It's really over? I'm done? Everyone was like, yeah he's here and laughing at me. Then I got to hold him for just a second and David and the nurse took him to be weighed. They came right back with him - 8 lbs, 13-3/4 ounces - but SOOO tiny-looking to me after Haley and Emily's nearly 10 pounds!! He nursed and then the pedi nurse took him to the warmer (in the room) and did all his stuff right there. I showered and came back in and watched Survivor in peace and quiet. David made his rehearsal at 5:30 - he asked me first if he should go and I was still high and relaxed, so I sent him on. I totally botched changing the first diaper (well, second, David did a great job with the first), he peed and pooped all over his stuff and my bed.


stewbert said...

oh so cool!!!! :) love it.

Alison Wonderland said...

I'm usually not that enamored of hearing birth stories anymore, having had 4 of my own sort of takes the shine off that stuff, but this was was actually quite entertaining. I love quick easy birth stories.

Oh, and yes someone got the reference when it was a post, before it was a page but I'll give you 10,000 virtual points anyway, just for playing along.